Donut Holes

The SEC is investigating questionable accounting practices at Krispy Kreme, which has sent their stock price tumbling…

Krispy Kreme, which operates nearly 400 stores in the United States and overseas, said it is confident in its accounting practices and is cooperating fully with the inquiry.

The company’s shares, which have fallen nearly 50 percent since the company’s profit warning, were down $2.08 at $16.58 in early trading on the New York Stock Exchange.

The real, burning question that no one has answered yet is… does this mean they are going to stop giving away free samples when you walk in?

The Amazing Sperm Race

Just when you thought reality shows couldn’t get worse… Variety reports that Endemol, the folks behind BIG BROTHER, have two new reality formats they are debuting in Europe.

They’re called SPERM RACE and MAKE ME A MOM. Honest. I’m not making this up…

Endemol has said that despite the obvious shock value of the format titles, the subject matter addresses a serious problem– infertility– in an entertaining and informative manner.

Yep, there’s nothing more entertaining than watching infertile couples try to conceive. I can’t wait to see the CBS version…

Murder She Fucking Wrote

dyingtoretireIt seems a reader at the Davis County Library in Layton, Utah has finally had enough with the obscenity and sex-laden adventures of Jessica Fletcher in the MURDER SHE WROTE books. Sarah Weinman discovered an article in the Deseret Morning News reporting that someone at the Davis County Library is “cleansing” the MURDER SHE WROTE books of obscenity.

I didn’t know there was any obscenity in those books. Christ, if people find that offensive, my DIAGNOSIS MURDER books must be hardcore porn…

The Big Grab

Your agent is supposed to look out for your best interests. Now, it seems, you’re going to need an agent to deal with your agent.

Publishers Weekly reports that some literary agents are now sneaking in a clause that grants literary agencies the right to exclusively represent a work for the life of its copyright.

The contract provision, known as an “interminable rights clause,” means that even if the original publishing agreement has ended, the book has gone out of print or the author’s agent leaves the agency, the agency continues to be the agent of record for the work. The practice contrasts with that of some other agencies, which give up their claim on a work once the publishing agreement the agent negotiated ends.

“That was a deal buster for me. There was no way I was going to sign away all of those future rights,” said romance and suspense author Tina Wainscott, who recently left her agent, Mel Berger at the William Morris Agency, who had represented her on four books over the course of four years.

(Mel used to represent me, too… but I left him about five years ago and not because of this new, and frightening, power grab by lit agencies)

This clause strikes me as terribly unethical. An agent is supposed to be looking out for the best interests of their clients… but how could any author trust their agent after being asked to sign a contract with the interminable rights clause buried in it?

Unadulterated Plugs

MonktitlecardOur episode of MONK, “Mr. Monk and The Godfather,” airs this Friday, July 23 on the USA Network… and while you’re at it, don’t miss the latest episode of MISSING, which airs on Saturdays at 10 pm. on Lifetime.

Booksigning Hell

Years ago, before I started collecting books, I remember seeing Elmore Leonard signing books at a Crown Books in Encino… and there was no one there. He was sitting at a table alone. I couldn’t believe it.

Flash forward a few years later, and I’m doing booksignings. Sometimes people show up… and sometimes you’re all alone… or worse, it’s just you and the bookseller, reading you her horrible erotic poetry for two hours (One began: “Hello, He Throbbed…”)

Despite having seen Elmore, desolate and alone, all those years ago… I still feel bad whenever no one shows up for a signing. So, in a perverse way, I take pleasure in reading that even the big boys (or, in this case, the big girls) still occasionally experience the midlist signing blues. This dispatch came from Aldo The MysteryDawg:

Last night I had the wonderful opportunity to meet the multi-talented Laura Lippman at the Mystery Bookstore in Westwood. She was signing her latest novel By A Spider’s Thread, the next installment in the PI Tess Monaghan series. There was a standing room only crowd – Bobby, Claire and Shelly (The Mystery Bookstore staff) along with my friend Alan and me. Never the less, Laura was a good sport and talked to us for the entire hour as she signed our books and the bookstore stock.

That, of course, is the sign of a pro. She didn’t get pissed off that no one showed… she realized that the most important person in the room was the bookseller… who would be hand-selling her book long after she left. It’s not how many people show up when you are there that’s important… it’s how many books are sold after you leave.

Dick Wolf is My Hero

jorja_fox_1Dick Wolf is a hero among many writer-producer-showrunners… and not because he’s a brilliant writer who has created some of the best dramas on television today.

It’s because he isn’t afraid to fire his stars. Ever since he fired the leads of “New York Undercover” when they demanded salary increases and perks, producers have been cheering him. And his willingness to repeatedly recast “Law and Order” has wowed us, too. Wolf has proven that as long as you aren’t doing a single-lead show, it’s the franchise that’s the star, not the actors in it. He empowered producers to do what had been unthinkable and frightening before… booting out your stars.

Wolf’s spirit was being channeled over at the offices of “CSI” this week, when the producers abruptly fired Jorja Fox and George Eads when they didn’t show up for work while demanding salary bumps five years into their seven year contracts.

I hope that put a little chill into the hearts of more than a few series leads in town.

Late Scripts

The DGA reports that TV drama series producers have notched a 61% improvement in delivering scripts on time.

The percentage of on-time scripts for single-camera one-hour dramas had increased to 61% for the 2003-04 season, up from 47% in the previous season. The DGA also said the proportion of scripts delivered more than two days late had been cut to 23% from 41% and the number coming in five to 15 days late dropped to 8% from 20%.

By “on time,” the DGA means having a script ready for the first day of pre-production, aka “prep.” Episodic TV directors have seven days to scout locations, cast actors, etc. before beginning the actual shooting of their episodes. It doesn’t seem like a lot of time when compared to features… but in TV shows, the majority of actors are already in place (the regular weekly cast), the major sets are already built (the standing sets, like the hospital in ER), and the production team is already a well-oiled machine. But if a director is new to the show, a week can seem like precious little time… even to a director who has worked on the show before, it can be tight.

It’s even tighter when the script isn’t ready for prep. Not only is the director screwed… so are the location scouts, the wardrobe department, the production designer etc… everyone is pressed for time and can’t possibly do their best work.

But mostly, it’s terribly unfair to directors. Because when the director delivers their show, and its mediocre, nobody at the network or studio is saying “yeah, well, he only had four days to prep.” The director gets the blame… and everyone conveniently forgets he was sabotaged from day one.

And I’m saying all this as a producer who just delivered a script one day late for prep.

Guild said the writers for eight series — “Star Trek: Enterprise,” “Law & Order,” “The District,” “JAG,” “Judging Amy,” “She Spies,” “Hack” and “Strong Medicine” — delivered all scripts on time in 2003-04. “Six Feet Under” was the only series to deliver all its scripts on time in 2002-03.

The DGA also said 12 series improved by 20% — “24,” “Alias,” “Angel,” “The District,” “ER,” “The Guardian,” “Hack,” “JAG,” “Judging Amy,” “Law & Order,” “Third Watch” and “The West Wing.” It credited CBS, Fox, Sony, Touchstone, Universal and Warner Bros. with improvement of 20% in the 2003-04 season.

Guild also singled out “Ed” and “The Gilmore Girls” as not delivering a single script on time and pointed to five other shows — “Charmed,” “Everwood,” “Law & Order: SVU,” “NYPD Blue” and “The Practice” — as delivering more than 70% of their scripts late.

The number one priority of any showrunner, I believe, is the make sure a shooting script is ready on the first day of prep. Ideally, the teleplay should be in well before prep, so all the department heads … casting, production design, wardrobe, etc… have plenty of the opportunity to do their best work and to be thinking about the episode even before the director arrives. You get better guest stars for the parts if the casting director has two weeks instead of one to find the right actors for the role…if the location scout has an extra week to find best places to shoot… if the set designer has the extra week to create interesting sets. You get the idea.

There are times when events beyond a producer’s control make it impossible to deliver a script on the first day of prep… one of your stars takes ill, a storm makes it impossible to shoot an “outdoor” episode outdoors, the network re-arranges air order of the episodes at the last minute, etc. Inevitably, on every series I’ve been on, at least one or two scripts are delivered late.

It’s quite common on the first season of a show for scripts to come in late. Everything seems to be conspiring against delivering the scripts on time.. a late-pickup from the network, last-minute staffing and especially, the creative process as a show “finds itself” while being battered from all sides by notes from the network, the studio, the stars. Plus, it takes some time for everyone to learn how to work together, to discover the unique production problems inherent in your show. It can take a while for a new series to get settled, creatively and from a basic production stand-point.

But after a show has been on a season or two, there’s really no excuse for 70% of the scripts being delivered late. “NYPD Blue,” “Charmed,” and “Law & Order SVU” have been on the air for years… with relatively little staff turnover. You’d think they’d have it down by now. I can’t imagine what their excuse is. (And in the case of “SVU,” they aren’t waiting around for a back-nine pick-up, they already have a multi-year renewal, they can bank scripts well in advance)

The lateness of “Gilmore Girls” and “The Practice,” I would guess, has more to do with the fact that most of the scripts are written or rewritten by one showrunner (ie David Kelley on “The Practice”) who is stretched too thin. This, to me, is a big argument against the “writer-auteur” in episodic television… unless, like British TV, all the scripts are written well before production begins.

I’m glad to see there’s been a concerted effort in the industry to deliver scripts in time for prep — it’s good for everybody.

I’m a TV Geek

Last night, I was in TV Geek heaven…

I went to the Television Academy’s salute to TV themes at the Hollywood Bowl. It was wonderful, with the Hollywood Bowl orchestra playing salutes to Earle Hagen, Jerry Goldsmith, Vic Mizzy and Stu Phillips, among other things.buddyebsen

The show included some of my favorites themes — “Mod Squad,” “Virginian,” “Green Acres,” “Addams Family,” “Wild Wild West,” “Hawaii 5-0,” “Peter Gunn,” “Gunsmoke,” “Room 222,” “Man from UNCLE,” and “Barnaby Jones — accompanied by the main title sequences on the big screens. The Rembrandts showed up play “We’ll Be There For You,” the Smothers Brothers did a schtick over clips from their variety show, and there was a nice set piece on great television choreographers. They also featured suites from “Deadwood,” “Jag,” and, as the big fireworks finale, “Battlestar Galactica.”

My nine-year-old daughter turned to me afterwards and said: “I think I’m beginning to like classical music.”

I thought about telling her nah, it’s just TV themes… then again, better she thinks of me as a man with refined tastes than as a big tv geek.

A Mickey Mouse Boob Job

keira-knightly-altered

Defamer reveals that Keira Knightley’s breasts were photographically enlarged for Disney’s KING ARTHUR ad campaign. See the photos for yourself here…and here

This isn’t the first time Disney has digitally altered the actress. They also reportedly erased her erect nipples in an early scene of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.

So, I guess in the Magic Kingdom, the ideal woman has ample boobs and nipples that behave. Or is a very large mouse in a dress.

UPDATE: There was a wonderful analysis of the BEFORE and AFTER photos of Keira Knightley on the blog tagline…

Before: “Rrrarrrrgh, I’m a badass Celtic warrior princess. I’m not here to fucking seduce anyone. Come here, little man, and I shall rip your balls off with my teeth.”

After: “Oh, hiiiiiii. Listen, I think I must be lost. I was supposed to be fighting, like, an evil army, and you boys look way too cute to be evil! Don’t you like my halter top? It’s made of hemp.”